I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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