I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
