cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
