Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
