Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
