I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
