theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
