I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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