Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
