No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
