Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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