My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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