went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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