He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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