Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
