yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
