So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
