So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
