I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
They have beer where we have blood.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize