Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
