If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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