is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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