Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
