I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
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I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My feet surprised me
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