He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
