i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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