I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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