WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
