The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
