ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
