Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Quick, to the slutcave!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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