Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
