Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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