And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
