Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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