We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
