Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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