the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
