I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
