She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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