You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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