I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
