i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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