toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
