he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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