$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
