Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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