Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
