you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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