I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
