I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Couch. On fire.
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