was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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