The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
