Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
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Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
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Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone