i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
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No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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