two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"