I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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