I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
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taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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